Sunday, 23 March 2014


The Social-Media Mix
By @Rudyard_Kippling, emailed to Caroline Gold

IF you can keep your friends when all about you
Are unfriending theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men poke you,
But make allowance for their poking too;

If you can argue and not be tired by arguing,
Or being spammed by Raspberry Ketones; don’t forward spam,

Or being blocked, don’t give way to blocking,
And yet don’t photo food, nor post status after vin.

If you can play Zynga games
And not make Zynga Games your master;

If you can perpetually procrastinate…
pour time and talent down the drain

If you can meet Zuckerberg and Tom of Myspace
And treat those two impostors just the same.

If you can bear to see the news story that you posted
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch relationships you gave hours to get broken,
And still give your affection to potential online tools

If you can make one network of all your friends,
And risk all on a link to piss off your boss,

And have to start again with industry refriendings
And never post a status about the job you lost;

If you can assure that your laptop, phone or tablet
Is currently running the latest social network Applet

And able to click ‘Like’ when without enthusiasm late night
Because it’s a cat meme; and you must always click ‘Like!’

If you can talk about politics and keep your temper,

And never share material without crediting such and such.

If neither blocked nor restricted friends can read you,
And few friends Direct-Message you; but none too much

If you can fill the status newsfeed update
With one witty sentence containing a pun,

Yours is the internet and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be on facebook .com

©Caroline Gold

Caroline Gold is a comedy writer, journalist and award winning playwright. Despite these possible distractions Caroline has managed of late to concentrate on her true vocation as a heavy-duty online time-waster, facebook- playmate and procrastinator. (See book proposal fig1)   


  1. Cat memes - YES!!!!!! By the way, to comment here, there is no choice to sign in using Facebook!

  2. Outstanding!!! Welcome to another internet pit of time suckage.
    (no sign in with FB 'cause blogger owned by Google)

  3. I was already signed in via the 'goog.' Good riff Coro. Well done you. And there's a book! I never knew! Hurray! I'll be meaning to buy it. Really meaning. And then I will act, which has something to do with acting, I think.

  4. Right on Caroline! About the cat memes, I know I am guilty. I just love kitties so much it's hard not to share their links. Thank you for still liking me. But I do know what you mean Sweetie!